I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
