i permit you to call me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
