would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
