So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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