I think I won the penis lottery.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
