It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
