I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
