he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
