There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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