WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
