Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
