We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
