I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just blew my weed a kiss
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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