I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
