I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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