I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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