she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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