question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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