Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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