I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
