it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
