Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
