Tell her she can't have a vagina
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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