you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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