"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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