I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
