We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
