I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
