Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
