Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize