Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is it penis luge time yet?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
