the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
