I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
