I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
