Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize