I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
