Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
