I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
