marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
