I'm drive I can fine osifer
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
