8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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