Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize