porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
