It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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