My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
