the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Two words: blizzard sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
