Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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