Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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