wakey wakey hands off snakey
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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