honey bunches of taint.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
