You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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