so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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