I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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