Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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