that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize