no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
