I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dick very happy bro
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
