Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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