As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
