i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
