I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
