So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
