Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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