apparently the secret to your success is patron
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
