just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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